New Dad, One Month Grad, No F Words Had

(Sunday Paper, Volume II, Issue 33)

Remember when I went to Washington, D.C., and I saw two sets of friends who had recently had babies?

Justin is one of those guys.

But that's probably not a good enough introduction.

In addition to being a funny writer whose work you may have seen when I shared his Sports Illustrated reviews in the past (that title is a tribute to those posts), Justin is one of my oldest friends.

He was the first friend I made at college - I think he tells the story better but we met one time, then saw each other again at a meeting for the radio station and spent the next few years doing most of our radio work together.

As of next month we've known each other for 21 years. (!!) That seems kind of unbelievable to me. And now I'm kind of sad we didn't do anything for our 20th anniversary last year.

Anyway, he's still an important part of my life, and this week he's the last of the summer Sunday Paper guest posters....I think I'm back at it next week for the foreseeable future.

When John asked me to write this week's Sunday Paper (once a week for 3 weeks even though I said yes right away) he said submit it by Thursday.  

"Submit?" I said, "does that mean you might reject it?"

"No F words," was John's response.

And so, this week's Sunday Paper will be completely devoid of words that begin with F, which seems like a rather arbitrary letter for John to reject, but hey, it's his website. 

I'm a new Dad. My daughter, Allison was born on July 7th (John's birthday-which he seems to be both thrilled about but also unhappy that he has to share.)  I just returned to work this past week after a 3 week paternity leave. And the question most people ask is:


And I answer, "It's so great. I couldn't be happier. I love every second of it." Which is correct, kind of. 

The entire truth is having a baby this young is like having a cat. She sleeps most of the day and goes to the bathroom a lot and every once in a while has an involuntary twitch that we assign emotional meaning to. "Oh, she's smiling." No, its probably gas.

Next question:

"Do you have any pictures?"

"Oh, I have pictures.  I love that she looks just like me!"

And this is true. The baby is my spitting image. (And my dad's spitting image and my uncle and my great uncle and my dad's cousin, etc.) And I do truly love this about her. 

Which is why it makes me so mad when the response I get is "Oh, yeah. But that'll change. You'll see. Babies change so much."

WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME HAVE THIS? My baby looks like me and it makes me happy and it makes me love looking at her. Stop stealing my joy. 

(I actually read something recently that said babies look like their dads when they're born because of specific evolutionary reasons. It helps guarantee that a male member of the species will stick around if a child looks like him. So, thank you, SCIENCE!)


*I have recently written a short piece about having a daughter. It is appearing in the Sunday Paper section of  (It would make me very happy if John inserts a link right here to this very page-so when you click on it, it just refreshes your browser.  If at least one person is tricked at least one time, it will be worth it.)


*I've been watching stand up comedy pretty religiously since I was probably 9 or 10 years old. And I've often thought about trying it myself. But one thing has always terrified me about getting up on that stage- the mic stand.  Often, a comic gets on stage and immediately adjusts the mic stand. They twist the twisty part and pull it up or down to match their height. That scares me to no end. What if you mess up? What if it breaks? How does everyone know how to adjust mic stands so naturally? Was I absent the day they taught basic mic stand maintenance at school?

*I recently saw John Mulaney live. In my opinion, he is the best stand up currently... standing up. He is currently on tour. Go see him if you can. 

*John Sucich is also one of the best standers-up. He is performing at locations throughout the greater New England area. Click here to see where.

[And, I'll add, make sure to 'Like' the page if you haven't already!]

What I've Been Enjoying

*I really enjoyed a couple of recent Netflix shows- GLOW and Wet Hot American Summer. John can not watch these because he does not have Netflix.  About six months ago, I gave him my HBO GO password so he could watch something. So, someone else has to give him their Netflix password. Who's going to step up? Who?


*Here's an observation I made a few minutes ago. New York City is one of the most liberal places in the world, until someone with a clipboard shows up on the sidewalk. 

"Do you want to help Syrian refugees?"

"No, get out of my way!"

*No F words!